4:30 AM (Times are approximate)
I had a fear of getting to the hospital and getting turned away. The car ride wasn’t the most comfortable thing, but we made it to the hospital. The midwife checked me, and I was at 4 cm, so I was considered to be in active labor. Thank God. Just being in the hospital gave me a sense of calm and the panic that I was experiencing at home trying to manage the contractions lessened. My contractions were consistent but became more manageable. I was able to eat a bagel and some fruit for breakfast to fuel me for the day ahead.
6:30 AM
I decided to get into the tub to labor and put on our labor playlist, after having my breakfast. The tub really seemed to intensify the contractions. My whole body was uncontrollably shaking at times. Tears streamed down my face as our wedding song played on the playlist, sipping ginger ale that my husband was holding and breathing through contractions. My husband and the nurse told me I was doing great.
2:00 PM
The midwife checked me, and I think I was at 7 cm. At some point, I was told I should get out of the tub and have my water broken. It must have been some time in the afternoon. My memory of this part of labor becomes fuzzy. There seemed to be urgency to get things moving. I didn’t think it had been that long. When she broke my water, I was told there was meconium in there. From all of the birth stories that I listened to prior, I knew this wasn’t a good thing. I was able to get back into the tub to labor. Laboring on the birth ball was extremely uncomfortable for me. My favorite way to go through contractions continued to be swaying back and forth slow dancing with my husband, Shawn. The midwife told me if my contractions continued to slow, and things stopped progressing that I may need Pitocin. Pitocin was this scary word for me. My mom and sister-in-law both had terrible experiences with induction, so this was another fear of mine.
5:00 PM
At some point around 5:00 PM, I was checked and told I was at 9 cm and to get on the bed to get ready for pushing. I hated being on the bed. It was very painful and uncomfortable for me. I wished I could have stayed swaying in my husband’s arms for contractions. I don’t know why I had to be in the bed. About a half hour later, I was told I was at 10 cm, and they were going to call the pediatrician, who needed to be present due to the meconium. Pushing seemed a little scary to me, but I was ready.
All of the nurses and midwife gowned up in N95s, face shields and full surgical gear. They had a clear plastic barrier between us. It had a very pandemic feel to it. I don’t know how long I pushed for, but nothing was happening. It seemed like almost an hour, before the midwife checked again and told me I still had a small cervical lip on the left side. This meant a portion of my cervix wasn’t fully dilated. The verbiage she used sent me to my breaking point. I was told that I would need to go on Pitocin to “ramp things up a bit”. At this point, my contractions were very intense, and I didn’t know how anything could be ramped up more. I immediately started crying and wanted to give up. I felt defeated, like I just couldn’t do any more.
6:00 PM
One of the nurses asked about an epidural. The midwife said she didn’t think that I had wanted one. I felt like this was my only option at this point. Disappointment washed over me knowing how close I was to my natural birth, but I just couldn’t tolerate ramping up my contractions any more than they already were. I was able to get out of the bed to labor in a more comfortable position and was told I would have to wait for the anesthesiologist on call.
6:30 PM
The anesthesiologist showed up full of energy and enthusiasm. My contractions were so intense at this point, while he’s going over the procedure and all of the risks. I gave a verbal agreement, and he tells me, “Alright, I need you to sit criss-cross applesauce on the bed and bend forward.” I can only imagine the look I gave him. There was no way in hell I could get into that position when I was this far along in labor. The nurse suggested I put my feet on a stool and bend forward, which the doctor agreed with. I remember feeling like I was peeing everywhere. Maybe I was, maybe I was leaking water. I just kept sobbing about it. I didn’t even feel the needle go in, but I was able to settle into the bed after and relax. There was a small area on the left side of my stomach that I could feel pain in during contractions. Shawn was able to take a nap and I rested a bit. The nurses helped me lay on my left side.
9:30 PM
I started to get increasing pain in the left side of my abdomen, where the epidural didn’t cover. I called the nurse, and she had the midwife check me. The midwife told me that I was finally complete and ready to push! The epidural was very strong, and I was unable to feel anything below the waist. This made for a challenge when it came to pushing. I don’t know how long I was pushing for, but the baby’s heart rate started to drop with each contraction. This is when things started to get scary.
They would tell me not to push for this contraction, but not instructing if I should for the next. One of the nurses was at the computer on my right trying to enter information in. She was also supposed to be holding my leg during the push, while Shawn held the left one. I started to hold my own leg on that side. “Push from right here!” The midwife said while pointing to somewhere on my body, but I couldn’t feel where she was touching.
They tried to put an internal monitor on the baby. “I can’t get the heart rate,” I heard the nurse say. I start crying and looked at Shawn with terror. The internal monitor wasn’t working, but all I hear is that they couldn’t find a heart rate. My blood pressure cuff kept pumping up more and more. The blood pressure reading was very high the last I saw, but the pressure of the cuff was really starting to annoy me and I asked if it could come off. That wasn’t an option. “She’s having another contraction, should she be pushing?” I hear Shawn ask. No one answers. Everyone looks unsure what to do. “I think we’re going to have to call Dr. G in,” the midwife tells me.
10:30-10:45ish(?)
Dr. G, the OB, enters the room. Immediately I feel a sense of calm wash over the room. His presence makes me feel less scared. He tells me that he wants to see me push through the next contraction to see what’s going on. The next contraction starts to rise and I push. Dr. G says, “Okay, here’s what’s going on. The shape of your pelvis is narrow. The pubic bones create a narrow canal and the sacrum is tilted backwards creating a small birth canal. Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to try to manually push down on your cervix opening up the sacrum to create room while you push as hard as you can during the next contraction. If that doesn’t work, I will try a vacuum or forceps assist and if that doesn’t work, we will have to do a c-section.”
I felt ready. I could do this. We could do this! When my next contraction started to come on, I pushed as hard as I could while Dr. G was on the bed forcing my sacrum out of the way. He said I did a great job and we were going to do the same thing during the next contraction. When the next contraction started, I pushed with all that I could and out came my baby boy!
10:55 PM
They put him on my chest and he pooped on me immediately. He was okay. He was healthy and crying. We finally got him out at 10:55 PM, after 21 hours of active labor and 3 days of prodromal labor. He only weighed 6 Lbs 5 oz, despite being 10 days late. He was tiny. I remember feeling relief and shock. I was happy, but more stunned than anything, trying to process what just happened. After he was checked out by the pediatrician, he was given back to me to try the breast crawl. He was able to nurse, and I watched in amazement. I had a first-degree labial tear that was stitched up by Dr. G and the midwife. The placenta was delivered, but I didn’t even notice. I was still completely numb from the waist down and distracted by the tiny baby on my chest. Eventually, everyone left, and it was just the three of us. Our new family.
1:00 AM
After a couple hours, exhaustion was starting to overcome, and we were ready for some sleep. The nurses wanted to get me up to the bathroom. They asked if I could feel my legs. I felt like some feeling had come back and could move them, so I went to get out of bed. It didn’t take long to realize that I had no strength in my quads. I couldn’t stand up. They got me a wheelchair to get to the bathroom. Being a physical therapist, I helped instruct them on placement for a transfer to the chair to scoot over to it. I didn’t realize this weakness was going to be an ongoing struggle for me. I managed to go to the bathroom, and they took us to our recovery room. We slept great that night.
The Next Morning
Tuesday morning came and Nolan slept through the night. My legs were still numb the next morning. I still couldn’t get up without assistance. They told me I had to go to the bathroom again or they would need to put a straight catheter in me. The thought of sticking a tube anywhere near that area made me cringe, so I did all I could to pee. I was successful, but my left quad was still very weak, and I also had weakness in the right dorsiflexors. They had an anesthesiologist come up and he thought the scenario was perplexing. The nerve damage distribution was from a lower area than where the epidural was inserted, so he wasn’t convinced that the epidural caused it. He was concerned though and wanted to call me to check in when I was discharged home.
Later that afternoon, I was able to walk on my own and take my first postnatal shower. It felt wonderful, but I was still a little unsettled about my recovery. The hospital always had a celebratory meal after giving birth for the parents. They set up a little table for two in our room with flowers and a candle. It was so nice. Nolan slept through it all and I thought he was going to be an “easy baby”. Oh, I was so naive. A challenging newborn with the ongoing nerve damage made for a very trying postpartum period.
Continue to Read about my Postpartum Experience: Dealing with Postpartum Nerve Damage and Depression During the Pandemic
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