The first time I remember having a panic attack was when I was 10 years old. I was in the 4th grade and frequently would go home sick. My sickness was nausea, hot flashes, feeling impending doom, and difficulty breathing. I would start hyperventilating. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was having anxiety.
Anxiety became a struggle for me in college, especially in grad school. I had an episode when studying for my practical exams, where I felt like I was going to throw up and couldn’t stop spontaneously twitching. My nervous system was on edge. I felt completely out of control and my brain was foggy. Another anxiety attack.
Most of these episodes of panic have been situational in nature, but now there are days where I just feel anxious and overwhelmed for no good reason. Becoming a first-time mom at the start of a global pandemic, while trying to balance working in healthcare and frequent Covid-19 outbreaks at daycare definitely didn’t help matters. I start to feel a lump rising in my throat and my chest gets tight. It’s hard to breath. It may still be situational with a stressful schedule at work or daycare closures. I worry about my daycare not being able to stay open due to staffing shortages. I worry about disappointing my patients and putting more of a burden on my co-workers when I have to call out. Sometimes it comes on due to hormones throughout my monthly cycle. It can be very overwhelming at times and makes me feel out of control.
When I get anxious, I have difficulty being productive. I end up doom scrolling on my phone or going to bed early, so I don’t have to deal with anxious thoughts. In fact, I was late on posting in my blog this week, because I was dealing with anxiety. Once I acknowledge the anxiety and that there are things that I can do to help myself, things start to get better.
Things that help with my Anxiety
- Hugs–Getting a big hug from my husband or son helps calm my nerves. There’s something about a strong embrace that lessens the feeling of dread.
- Meditation– I like to listen to guided meditations for anxiety. One specific meditation had me focus on where I was feeling my anxiety in my body. For me, it’s often a tightness in my throat and chest. The meditation had me focus on breathing into this area. You can find the meditation here.
- Exercise– Getting my heart rate up, sweating and feeling the burn in my muscles always calms my mind and eases my nerves.
- Making To Do Lists– When I feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do, making a list and putting everything down on paper helps. Sometimes this makes it seem less overwhelming for me. The disordered list of tasks was worse when it was just running through my head. I would start catastrophizing. Being organized with my tasks and scheduling things makes me feel less overwhelmed.
- Clean my Living Space– When everything around me is chaos my brain feels it. If I start small, like putting a load or laundry away or cleaning up my son’s toys, it makes me feel less buried in stress.
These 5 things can be helpful, but more importantly I need to change my mindset. Being aware of my anxiety and what I am feeling is the first step in convincing myself that I will be okay. I know that mental health issues are so complex, and everyone is different. In fact, I can deal with anxiety differently during different stages of my life or different days of the week. Sometimes these tips work and sometimes I just need to take some time to decompress and cry. I acknowledge that my feelings are valid, even if they are sometimes irrational. If you are experiencing anxiety, know that you are not alone. You are safe and your feelings are valid. Take things one day at a time, focus on your breath and make it through the day.