How Yoga Philosophy is Applied to Motherhood
In Yoga philosophy according to Patanjali, there are 8 limbs of yoga that will lead to Samadhi, or a state of oneness. The first limb is the Yamas. This is described as how we interact with the world around us. It includes our ethics, personal integrity and how we respond to external interactions. There are 5 total Yamas and the first one is Ahimsa. Ahimsa is non-violence or the practice of not harming. This doesn’t just mean physical violence. It can mean non-judgement to ourselves and others.
Motherhood is often met with judgement and criticism when it comes to infant sleep patterns, breastfeeding vs formula feeding, childcare choices, screen time, medical decisions, and so much more. This only touches the surface of choices you have to make for your child and doesn’t even include the judgement on the postpartum body and choices made during childbirth. These harsh opinions are seen all too frequently in online mom groups, which is why I avoid posting in them. The one critique I wasn’t able to avoid was my own.
The Pressures of Social Media
There is so much pressure to share all of the blessings of new motherhood on social media. Many people that I followed when I had recently given birth, would post smiling pictures with their newborn with captions about the love they had for their beautiful infant. I would see posts about how to train your infant to sleep through the night. There were moms who were bouncing back to their pre pregnancy activities like they didn’t just push out a baby a month ago.
Because of this, I started to criticize myself. I questioned why my baby and I couldn’t be like everyone else. Why did my baby spit up large amounts every time he ate? Was I doing something wrong? Why doesn’t my baby respond to the sleep training tips? Am I doing not trying hard enough? Why do I still have pain from childbirth? Why did my body fail me? The constant criticism wasn’t from the mom groups, but in my own head. I was comparing my own experience to everyone that I saw online.
My Inner Critic is Worse Than Anyone in a Moms Group
Whenever someone would ask me if he slept through the night, I would just laugh. It was fairly humorous to fathom the thought when he was 4 or 5 months old and waking multiple times per night. When it was asked beyond 9 or 10 months, I just admitted, “He’s not a good sleeper.” I felt a little shame and judgement, like my child’s sleep patterns were all my fault. The questioner was probably not judging me at all, but it was my own internal battle with not being good enough. I felt everything my child did or didn’t do was a result of my bad parenting.
Finding Ahimsa in Motherhood
Since I started studying yoga more in depth, I have learned to be kinder to myself. I now realize that my child is spirited, and his strong-willed personality is not due to my bad parenting. Babies and children have their own unique dispositions and that’s okay. All of our experiences are just that. Our OWN. We need to stop the comparison game.
Social media only shows a small snippet of one’s life. Those moms with the smiling pics holding their newborns very well could have cried in exasperation when trying to get that baby to sleep last night. They may be struggling with cracked nipples and challenges with breastfeeding, feeling like their body failed them. They may be suffering in silence from postpartum pain, depression or anxiety and not sharing about it. As a matter of fact, we all have our hardships. It’s just not always visible behind the farce of social media. I’ve started sharing more about the struggles that I faced postpartum for other moms to know that they aren’t alone.
Now it’s Your Turn…
I challenge you, if you are feeling critical toward yourself or others regarding parenting choices, struggles you are facing, how you are feeling or looking postpartum, take a step back and practice Ahimsa. Think twice about passing judgement in a Moms group. Tell another mom they are doing a great job. Cut yourself some slack when looking in the mirror at your postpartum body. Acknowledge that you don’t have to love the newborn stage, since it isn’t all baby snuggles and joy for everyone. There is nothing wrong with you. Above all, be kind to yourself and others. We are all doing the best that we can. That child of yours is loved and to them, you are perfect.